Slow going

Activity: run

Time: 22 min

Distance: 2.9 km

I think I need to plan out my running routes a bit better - I don't like crossing roads too often, so I tend to go around a large block. Unfortunately, this results in my usual route being about 2.3km, and I can do it in less than 20 min. If I'm looking to extend myself, my options seem to be limited to repeating part or all of the route, which I don't enjoy as much.

I guess the main problem is that I tend to just decide to go for a run & head on out before I change my mind, so there's not a lot of forward planning involved.

On a different note, my bruise from climbing last week is still pretty impressive!

I was chatting with D about the size of actresses on tv - we both feel like people are getting noticeably thinner. We remember a big fuss a few years ago about people's body size & how they were poor role models, but even then, they were still healthy/average size, if at the small end of the scale. Now, trying to find someone who doesn't have jutting shoulder blades or tiny arms is a challenge. People who were causing the problems a few years ago now look positively enormous next to their castmates.

The effect is pretty depressing to people who have doubts and worries about their body image already.

"Regular" activity

Friday: 

climbing & dancing

Saturday

Activity: run

Distance: 2.4km

Time: 19min

Sometimes, during my solitary runs, I think about my motivation for doing what I'm doing. I know that skiing is easier for me when my cardiovascular system is fit, and running helps keep my legs strong to balance my weak knee ligaments. But I can't ignore the fact that one of my reasons is the fact that I'm a size 18-20 and weigh around 95kg. Finding flattering clothing is difficult - mainstream clothing stores rarely stock anything above a size 14, plus-size ranges in department stores and specialty shops don't really cater to my sense of style and are either cheaply made & fall apart easily, or out of my price range.

Why am I able to accept other parts of myself that have been a source of ridicule (red hair, freckles, "un-ladylike" manner), but not my weight/size? I'm not a small person - even at my most active as an adult, I barely got below 80kg/size 14. That's a BMI of 29.74, 0.16 inside the overweight range (my current BMI is 35.32, well into the obese category. And I know BMI is a crock of shit measure, but everyone seems to know it). I'm never going to be light as a feather, and I actually pride myself on my strength.

I just can't get rid of this niggling feeling that I shouldn't have to feel this way about my body, and that I'm somehow giving in to society's bullying ways. Is this nuts?