climbing & dancing
Saturday
Activity: run
Distance: 2.4km
Time: 19min
Sometimes, during my solitary runs, I think about my motivation for doing what I'm doing. I know that skiing is easier for me when my cardiovascular system is fit, and running helps keep my legs strong to balance my weak knee ligaments. But I can't ignore the fact that one of my reasons is the fact that I'm a size 18-20 and weigh around 95kg. Finding flattering clothing is difficult - mainstream clothing stores rarely stock anything above a size 14, plus-size ranges in department stores and specialty shops don't really cater to my sense of style and are either cheaply made & fall apart easily, or out of my price range.
Why am I able to accept other parts of myself that have been a source of ridicule (red hair, freckles, "un-ladylike" manner), but not my weight/size? I'm not a small person - even at my most active as an adult, I barely got below 80kg/size 14. That's a BMI of 29.74, 0.16 inside the overweight range (my current BMI is 35.32, well into the obese category. And I know BMI is a crock of shit measure, but everyone seems to know it). I'm never going to be light as a feather, and I actually pride myself on my strength.
I just can't get rid of this niggling feeling that I shouldn't have to feel this way about my body, and that I'm somehow giving in to society's bullying ways. Is this nuts?
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