Setback again

Well, another week off due to illness. Having now had strep throat, I do not wish it on anyone (and apparently it was a "light" case!).

Thursday

Activity: climbing

Comments? It felt kinda like starting again. Not only had I lost some ability/strength, I'd lost some confidence too. Things like being able to trust your footholds really matter when you're on an awkward rope and falling off will result in you losing so much height and swinging out straight into the belayer's head!

Last night I biked to L & C's flat in the city and we + P went to see Scribe & P-Money. It was fun - lots of dancing - but not a lot of people. A few more & it would have been really pumping.

"Regular" activity

Friday: 

climbing & dancing

Saturday

Activity: run

Distance: 2.4km

Time: 19min

Sometimes, during my solitary runs, I think about my motivation for doing what I'm doing. I know that skiing is easier for me when my cardiovascular system is fit, and running helps keep my legs strong to balance my weak knee ligaments. But I can't ignore the fact that one of my reasons is the fact that I'm a size 18-20 and weigh around 95kg. Finding flattering clothing is difficult - mainstream clothing stores rarely stock anything above a size 14, plus-size ranges in department stores and specialty shops don't really cater to my sense of style and are either cheaply made & fall apart easily, or out of my price range.

Why am I able to accept other parts of myself that have been a source of ridicule (red hair, freckles, "un-ladylike" manner), but not my weight/size? I'm not a small person - even at my most active as an adult, I barely got below 80kg/size 14. That's a BMI of 29.74, 0.16 inside the overweight range (my current BMI is 35.32, well into the obese category. And I know BMI is a crock of shit measure, but everyone seems to know it). I'm never going to be light as a feather, and I actually pride myself on my strength.

I just can't get rid of this niggling feeling that I shouldn't have to feel this way about my body, and that I'm somehow giving in to society's bullying ways. Is this nuts?

Climbing trials

Thursday

Activity: climbing

Duration: 1.5 hours

We're reaching that point where having our own gear for climbing is becoming a sound investment - I was the first with the shoes, and P is talking about investing in a chalk bag. Which makes sense, since the Y has been out of chalk for a month & climbing is much less fun without it!

P & C are kinda frustrating to climb with: C has a great power to weight ratio due to her crazy cycling addiction, and P is so tall she can reach most things we have to leap for. Although, they did tell me last night that I have the tactics (during our silly talk about combining the three of us into a single "Super Climber" a la Captain Planet). Still, it would be nice to have the flexibility and strength to manage some of those tougher moves.

What's the Rachel Hunter quote? "It won't happen overnight, but it will happen." Let's hope so.